a note from steph
i was not burnt out because i was lazy. i was burnt out because i had no peace.
for years i functioned. i pushed through, i masked, i showed up, i performed competence so well that nobody saw what was happening underneath. i genuinely believed the problem was me. my discipline. my consistency. my faith. if i could just get it together, it would all click.
it wasn't until my brain reached a point where it simply refused. at work, in front of people, in a moment that still makes my chest tight to think about. that i realised i was not trying hard enough in the wrong direction. i was trying hard enough. i just had no foundation to try from.
i had spent so long trying to build a future from a body that believed it was still in danger. there was no peace. there was only performance.
faith was the first place i found real safety. not because i prayed harder. because i finally stopped performing and let it actually hold me.
from there, i started building peace in small, repeatable, low-pressure ways. no 12-step routine. no morning ritual that required three hours and a functioning nervous system. just honest, gentle practices that helped my body learn, slowly, that it was okay to come down.
Peace is what i wish i had in that season. it is built for the woman i was then. the one who was ambitious and exhausted and trying everything and still not okay.
— steph (@steyybrown)